By changing Nothing, Nothing changes
And I want a Change, but I'm so scare.
Hi guys, I wanted to talk to you today about was on my mind lately, when I moved out to Spain I had some expectations, really high expectations, by that time I didn't know that I was being naive, but now I know, my higher expectations didn't accomplished and I don't know it if was my fault or not, either way I'm not looking for a guilty on this, I'm trying to fix it, but I'm so scare of the outcome that I don't know if I want to do it or not.
“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
This quote represents me right now, I think I'm ready to take the change and move on with my life, but I fear about the result, it could go very well or very bad, as everything in life right? moving to Spain wasn't as scary as what I want to do now, just because I knew I was coming to a safe place and somehow survive and "do" my life, but that's the thing I feel like I'm not living my life, I feel like I'm living FOR OTHERS, and that's part of my personality I ALWAYS ALWAYS put first others people desires and need before mine, that makes me happy, but I feel if I keep doing it, I would not live the life that I want, but I'm so scare to change that.
When I left my house in Venezuela, my stepfather told me "LIVE YOUR LIFE" very very serious and that's on my mind right now, and I don't know if I can do that living with my sister and HER family. Yes, I'm her family, but now she has her own Family and I don't fit on it, I mean is any in-law can fit in any family?, so that's it, I want to move out and I think it's something I NEED to do, but the outcome of that it's what I fear, I have stable job, it doesn't paid much, but it's money, and I could share an apartment, but I would live on the edge each month, I won't be able to help my family back in Venezuela, and as you can see that's what it worry me the most, also my sister might have to hire a nanny to take care of my niece, so that's why I said that this decision not only affect me but to others, also I fear that nothing change and I just waste my money.
I was thinking of start looking for a room early next year, but a GREAT and convenient opportunity came along and right now I just waiting for a day to go see the apartment, the thing is that the real state hasn't answered my last email, I had sended about 4, just to ask for an appointment to go to see the apartment, so right now I'm in the waiting game, also decided that if this is for me It would work and if it ins't the right opportunity will came.
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.”
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