Feelings (R&V)

To be true, I’m not as motivated as I was about 2 hours ago to write this post, But I still want to do it. I’m not going to do a life update right now, a little update is that I’m not anymore in The USA, now I live in Spain for good!!

Now this post to write something that’s in my heart, I realize that’s this blog is not only about me, It’s about me and my Kids (R and V), and my feelings for then are the ones it push me to write on here, and those feelings are the ones for what I decide to write today.

It has been a year since I saw, kiss and hugs my kids, I left The USA a year ago, it wasn’t easy to do it, I cried and cried because I knew that was my last chance to be their Nanny and to be with then 24/7, I knew and know that it was the RIGHT DECISION to make and I not regretted at all, at this point my only hope was to be in their life through phone calls, videos chats, and my dream and that they spend at least 15 days a year with me here in Spain, Sadly this year I won’t be, but I really hope next Year could be the year that I kiss then and hug then Again. It’s  so hard to love something that It doesn’t belong to you in any way, I feel like I have to fight to be in their life, being in the other part of the world doesn’t help at all, and that R doesn’t has a personal phone neither, But I pretend to fight to at least a phone call!

When I left The USA, I was in peace about not be their Nanny anymore and I still I’m, I was so confident that It was the right decision, I knew that in one way or another I would be in their life, That it would be easy to keep in touch and that they would remember me and they’ll cheeriest our time together, I least I will, a year has passed and now I don’t see it that clear or easy to be in their life, it has been hard to keep in touch with them, I mean I talk with their mom at least once at month, (once again being in the other part of the world has to do a lot with it) but not with them, and today or this week it  hits me that I haven’t see them in a year, that I haven’t talked to them in a year, so I realize that my feelings for them hasn’t change at all, I just love them as much as I did 9 years ago, it all, started when I open my blog again, and the first thing that I looked up was the post about “My crazy Sunday Morning” that pots doesn’t have any pictures of them, but it’s the way that that post makes me feel that I love, after reading that I looked the one about “Saying good bye to pikychaqui” and I started to cry because all the feelings came back, I just love that house, and I didn’t remember that the “last day” in that house I walked two hours through the house , and reading it,  It makes me to remember that day, and for that I decide to keep posting.

I really don’t know why I miss those days, or why I cherish so much those memories of those years, it’s not Like I don’t like my life right now, or like I regret something, or I was so much more happier then, I really don’t know why I always looked back at those days, but I do, and I love the how it makes me feel also I’m grateful that I have my blog to read it.

Now I Said good Bye, Maybe I will post soon or maybe not!